Dye a log.

"See, I learned early on that it doesn't pay to be a good person.  There's a line in Catch-22 that reads, 'The Texan was generous, good-natured, likable.  No one could stand him after three days.' Well that's not it exactly, but it's something like that.  But it's true! The more good a person is, the quicker everyone gets sick of them."

"You've read Catch-22?"

"Yeah.  Three times.  Why, are you surprised?  You think I'm dumb or something?"

"No, I don't think you're dumb.  Take it easy.  But yeah, I'm a little surprised.  You've just never really struck me as, uh, bookish."

"I've only read the first half.  That line is from the very first chapter, actually.  But I have read the first half three times.  That part was true, for what it's worth."

"Okay.  So maybe I was right about you not being much of a reader."

"Half-right, I guess. [laughing] But you get my point, right?  About people getting sick of good people more quickly than they get sick of the Average Joe?"

"Yeah, I think I do.  It's sort of like the whole 'nice guys finish last' thing.  But raised to a more universal level.  Really ground-breaking shit. [laughing]"

"Yeah. [laughing] Exactly.  Nice guys, good people, finish last because no one can stand to hang around a person who is so obviously better than everyone else.  Not that all good people advertise their goodness, or even try to be good.  They just can't really help themselves. I mean, goodness is rarely viewed as a negative thing.  For obvious reasons.  But let's be honest, it gets annoying."

"Even if someone can tolerate excessive goodness, if they don't find it annoying, a person who constantly does the right thing is inherently predictable.  And predictability is always boring.  Not to mention that hanging around with a good person makes you look bad by comparison.  Nobody wants to come off looking or sounding like a dick just because the dude standing next to them happens to be a goddamned saint!  It's not fair, you know?"

"I don't mind looking like a dick.  Not one bit.  Sure, there are pitfalls, but in the long run the benefits vastly outweigh the costs.  Think about it.  We're both pretty nice guys, all things considered.  But if we didn't pull some asshole moves every now and then, we'd be plain old boring annoying good guys.  After three days, no one would be able to stand us.  

Good people have it way harder than we do, man.  Mild dickishness is a blessing in disguise.  You can quote me on that."

"You're absolutely right.  And I will quote you."

"Word.  

Thank you."